What is Balance? Rachel's perspective...
Some relevant definitions of the word Balance
Noun:
1. An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.
2. A situation in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions: eg. mental or emotional stability
Verb:
1. Remain in a steady position without falling
1. Offset or compare the value of (one thing) with another.
· Counteract or equal the effect or importance of
· Establish equal or appropriate proportions of elements in
I talked a lot about many things last Wednesday. Apologies if I overwhelmed anyone… Here’s a summary of some of the points, beginning with my ideas about what Balance can be.
Balance is a really important word in my life. It’s something I strive for – both emotionally and physically – wholeheartedly, if you like. I’ve learned from Ute Strub, my friend and mentor, to understand the relationship between inner and outer balance, and how to work towards achieving both.
In the life of a human being, balance is never a permanent state. You can’t just get some and be done with it. In some respects, it becomes second nature - like the balance needed to walk without falling over - but we can actually never be certain of it. It doesn’t take a lot to knock us out of kilter and therefore lose the balance we need.
So how do we maintain the balance we have and recognise when we need to seek out more?
First, I want to say a little about work-life balance. The definition is clear enough – the balance between working and family or leisure activities. But it may not be the ideal that we think it is. For me, separating work from life is like splitting us in two. Do we really need the division?
Work is part of life, so why define it as something separate?
As wholehearted human adult beings, with a full set of emotions, many skills, countless experiences, and many responsibilities, every moment is an opportunity and has the potential to deepen our life experience. (At this point, I should say that I don’t expect you, or anyone, to have the capacity to appreciate every moment! That would be too much. Just begin with one thing and take it from there…)
As parents, we’re spinning plates. There are many aspects of life to balance and putting things into compartments so that we can deal with them often makes life simpler. I get that. I do that. It’s a really helpful strategy. But I’m also trying to remember that I am one being – wherever I am and whatever I am doing, I am there, and I am the same person whether working, playing, parenting, or anything else! I still have the same body, the same consciousness, although I may be accessing different aspects.
Retraining my brain to understand life as one whole with all its complexities and elements is an ongoing process, but I think it’s one that is worthwhile.
Some examples of keeping balance in daily life
Going with the flow. As a parent, you can’t know how your little one will be from one moment to the next. They have their own ideas, feelings and sleep patterns and that means needing to be fluid with your plans. Having a basic daily rhythm - as mentioned last time - gives you and your child a sense of structure and knowing what to expect, which is helpful, but being able to adjust in accordance with the daily ups and downs means your stress levels can be more easily managed.
Reflecting. If you’re having a difficult moment, pause if you can and reflect on other moments in the day that have been better. This can really help you to reset and move forward, not getting stuck in the idea that it’s a ‘bad’ day or that you’re not good enough.
Being where you are. This is to do with presence. Being where you are means not getting caught up in the past or the future but being available to yourself, your child, your work - whatever is calling out to you in the moment. And when you feel torn between several things, step back for a moment and make a list or a choice and let others who are involved know that they’ve been heard and are important to you.
Switching places. If you’re struggling to give yourself time as self-care, think about how you would feel if you were a loved one observing you. What would you tell yourself to do? And if you’re finding it hard to support a little one who is feeling challenged, put yourself in their position and think about what you would need if you were them.
Let me know what you think about all of this in the comments below. Share your ups and downs and let me know what you’d like to focus on in upcoming sessions.
Rachel